I have this recurring feeling that’s not quite the same as regret. I miss a choice I used to have even if it’s one I didn’t take advantage of all that often.
I miss that restaurant I only went to two or three times over 5 years. I miss that trail by that apartment I used to live in that I only walked or bikes twice. I miss that friend who moved away that I only went out with for a drink two or three times.
I don’t miss the specific times I did these things. I miss knowing they were options, even if when they were options they’re not the ones I chose very often. I wonder if I miss them because their absence is a remind that time has passed. I wonder if I miss them because they force me to stare down the harsh reality of impermanence.
Or maybe I miss them because today I wanted to walk on that path, with that friend, and then go get a drink at that restaurant even though those three things never coexisted in time or space.