Jason Becker
It’s surreal to see your cousin in a Washington Post video. It’s worse when the reason she’s being interviewed is because of her experience living in a community in Israel that was overrun on October 7th.
It’s been over a decade since I’ve seen her. She came to visit us in the states when I was young and spent some weeks living with my grandmother and I remembered being fond of her. Later, when I was older, I traveled to Israel a few times where we were able to reconnect. At the time, she still lived on the farm my family has lived on since shortly after World War I north of the West Bank. We both studied chemistry, though she went on to earn her PhD.
I stopped traveling to Israel for a few reasons. I got busy. I became a young adult with no money. But also, increasingly, it became impossible to ignore the rightward and hawkish shift of the Israeli government. I didn’t feel ok supporting them financially with my tourism dollars, even though I missed the family connections I had and frankly missed a place I loved. Elsa would ask if we would go, and I always told her that I hoped to go again one day, but not with this government and this posture. It took until my 20s to go to Israel because of the perceived lack of safety during the Second Intifada. But the window was short between then and when it became clear that Israel had all but abandoned peaceful coexistence with Palestinians and that was intolerable.
Throughout the last year I’ve seen a lot of my friends write about Israel. I see many people thoughtlessly supporting Israel. I see many people thoughtlessly criticizing Israel. I remember one of the only things I was able to say to Elsa about the situation (once it became clear that although my family had their lives upturned that they were safe) was how angry I felt toward Americans who overnight felt like they were experts on this conflict. What little I could say is “a whole lot of people seem to think that this is all very simple and clear – simple and clear what the United States should do and what Israel should do– and anyone who has ever spent any time understanding the Middle East would not be so sure.”
Months later, triggered by… I’m not sure what, I remember sitting in a booth at a restaurant and just crying. I hated feeling like I had to mourn an Israel I wanted to exist and once glimpsed. I hated feeling that despite my long standing complex anger and criticism of Israel, which started long before October 7th, was having all of its complexity stripped away. What I’ll loosely call the Western leftist pro-Palestine consensus has absolutely fueled anti-Semitism and has been empowered by it. This bloc is absolutely right to call out what is happening in Gaza as a fucking travesty. But I cannot believe that we’re going to rally behind “from the river to the sea” and pretend it doesn’t mean exactly what it means. I cannot believe we’re going to act like the United States is allies with Israel, especially from a military and intelligence standpoint, for no reason other than AIPAC or some thinly veiled notion of Jewish money in America.
October 7th was monstrous. The conditions in Gaza before then were monstrous. The actions of Israel in pursuing the end of Hamas has been monstrous. The actions of the Houthis and Hezbollah and Iran have been monstrous. I use the word monstrous over and over again not to create a sense of equivalency, but instead to suggest that all of these actions feel somewhat beyond our ability to measure and compare and understand. Netanyahu has been a piece of shit for a long time, and the Israeli government has been working hard to achieve Palestinian erasure. Israel does not deserve our support. Israel’s actions have long passed defensible.
How we got here is not simple. Where we go from here is not simple. There’s very little that’s obvious here other than the utter lack of heroes.
I love my family in Israel. I have had profound experiences there. I miss the food. I miss the language. But Israel lost its partner in peace and rapidly gave up on peace itself a long time ago. No one in power in the region is trying to solve this problem in any way but obliterating their perceived enemy. Israel, the nation state, hasn’t had my support for some time. October 7th didn’t change that. And yet, everywhere I look, everyone is trying to make this simple and I can’t sign on to that.
I am sad, I am dealing with this in a deeply personal way, and it feels utterly lonely to be surrounded by the self-righteousness of those who discovered Palestinians exist one year ago.
